Monday, 21 May 2012

I have arrived.  I am currently sitting in my hotel room in Tunisia.  It has been a long day.

My taxi arrived at 7:30am to take me from Nottingham to London Heathrow.  In rush hour.

They have changed airports since I was last at one and you have to do some self-scanning of your passport.  I couldn't get it to work. 

I took so long choosing some perfume that I didn't have time to get anything to eat before getting on my quite crowded flight.

I was mistaken for a French person on the flight.  Read into this what you will.

The London-Paris flight was delayed and I arrived at Charles de Gaulle airport 30 minutes before my next flight left.  It's a very big airport.  Very big.  It does not believe in informing its visitors.  I would estimate my walk from terminal 2E to terminal 2F to have been over a mile.  At high speed.  I did discover the only place you can smoke in the dreaded-by-smokers-airport, and couldn't stop as I was late. 

A French security officer shouted at me for having a nearly-empty bottle of diet Coke.  I had to throw it away and buy a new one.  French diet Coke is horrible.  It's very sweet.

My Paris-Tunis flight was delayed.  

I opened the little carton of milk for my coffee on the plane and it went all over the air steward's leg.  The back of his trousers.  He didn't notice.  I didn't tell him.  A better person than me would have.

I was mistaken for a French person.

The man next to me decided I didn't need the entire width of my seat and that his elbow would be particularly comfortable digging into my ribs.  For the entire 2 and a half hour flight.

The toilets at Tunis airport do not sport toilet paper.  Really.

The queue for immigration was incredibly long.  Especially as I was desperate to go to the toilet.  

It's bloody raining.  And windy.  Lightning, the lot.  They're having a heatwave in the UK.  You can all thank me as clearly I'm jinxed.

I got to my hotel, came up to the room and then decided to go down to dinner.  I went downstairs and chickened out of eating alone.  Me.  The person who moved to a foreign country alone.  The person who's been travelling alone - and ate out every night.  I'm a wimp.

I ordered room service.  She asked if I wanted my steak well-done or medium-well-done, clearly didn't mistake me for a French person then.  I couldn't think of the word for rare so said "avec du singe".

Singe means monkey.

She understood anyway and sent me a barely cooked steak.  Tunisia is a muslim country.  The meat is Halal.  Blood in meat is a very bad thing.  Way to go with the cultural sensitivity Wendy.

I can't find anything on TV, but I'm a bit lonely so need it for company.  I just watched 2 and a Half Men.  With subtitles.  I don't recommend it.  With or without subtitles.

Blogger, an off-shoot of Google, has decided that we have to use Google Chrome.  I refuse.

Well that will teach me to brag.

Help cheer me up, enter my competition.  That link might not work as it's put a .fr at the end of my blog address.  I'm not even in France, I'm in Africa.  It's the next post down.

Off to drown my sorrows with diet Coke, disgusting steak and foul potatoes and some bad American TV with Arabic subtitles.  It's either that or Arab X-Factor, in Arabic, with Simon Cowell, just dubbed.

Who did I upset??


Kandi said...

Oh no I'm sorry, I giggled through all of that! You poor sod. Hope it gets better for you. If its any consolation it's not terribly hot here in fact up here in Northumbetland I'm frozen and in bed with additional blanket on top of the quilt!
Hugs xx

mdgtjulie said...

Oh, Wendy, what a rotten first day of vacation. But try and look at the bright side. The plane didn't crash, and they didn't lose your luggage. I hope your day tomorrow goes much, MUCH better!!! Will say a prayer for the rest of your vacation to go beautifully.

Nancy Lee said...

I understand it is cruel to laugh as much as I did to that post, but honestly, I was laughing so hard the child wants me committed. So thank you for that. What the heck was wrong with the steward that he didn't notice the fouling of his trousers? Just wondering. It will get better. It is bloody hot here too, and we are getting a storm tonight. Hang in brave Wendy! I posted about the competition as well.

♥Duff said...

NOt me, you french monkey-eating tramp!
Just kidding--trying to make you smile :O)
Some days just accumulate crap and it feels like you're a dung beetle rolling in it. thank goodness tomorrow's a new day!

Celtic Thistle said...

The joys of foreign travel! Hope your day is better tomorrow.

Allie said...

Oh my word....Wendy my stomach hurts from laughing...I can't believe how messed up this trip is! I sure do hope it gets better for you hon!!!

JoJo said...

Awwww so sorry to hear that the first leg of your trip was so challenging! Hope it gets better! But what an adventure eh?

Laura said...

Aww... Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not yet the end..

Kati from Kati's Quilting said...

Wendy, I'm so sorry for my comment, but... whatever is before but doesn't count.... so... I have not laughed this much about a blogpost in my life! You're so funny even though you didn't intend it to be funny. Starting with the spilling milk, I lost it when you were talking about the lack of toilet paper on the Tunis airport. I totally completely lost it after that and now I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! Thank you for your story and I hope your flight back will be a lot more smooth! Oh, and don't drink the water! (even though you're not in Conzumel) you know do song by Brad Paisley? :)

cauchy09 said...

i am so sorry that i just giggled my way through this post. what a crap day!?! i hope the rest of your trip perks up.

Pradeepa said...

I enjoyed your post. Hope everything gets better for you soon :)

Sandra :) said...

Oh heavens what a time you're having, but forgive me, I LOL'd the whole time I read your post - you do have a way with words!!

Here - maybe these will make you feel better:

What do you call a cow with one leg? lean beef :)
What do you call a cow with a twitch? beef jerky :)

Those made me LOL when I read them, but it's late and I could possibly be sleep deprived ;)

Deepa said...

Oh..oh..I can only sympathize..or may be I can enter your competition,let me first think of what to make.

Rosa said...

For some reason I think that hotel should be able to make up for a lot of... hmm.."starter troubles".
A balkony with a view is not bad!Great place to drink coffee and have a smoke:-)

I will never ever eat peanuts again when reading your blog.
I almost choked when I began to laugh and that would have been most unfortunate - you would have missed a participant in your competition! I'll risk it though..even if its a health hazard to read your blog!

2 and a Half Men can make you sick.
Rent a movie or hire a (male) bellydancer - call it medicine or travel compensation and let the company pay. Being creative is such a blessing;-))

Holly U said...

Actually singe means monkey, sang means blood. You were close!

What a horrific journey! I hope The rest of your visit is so amaIng that it totally makes up for this day!

tialys said...

Hi there and thanks for coming over to me for the MayDay giveaway. I would like to follow your blog but I am a lazy cow and only remember to read blog posts when I get sent an email. I can't see a 'follow me by email' button on your blog - is there one and I've missed it or haven't you got one.
Simon Cowell dubbed in Arabic, eh. Couldn't have happened to a nicer person!

Maya Kuzman said...

Oh my Gosh!!
You incredible adventure has really lifted me up today! It is hilarious - I love , love reading your perspective on things. As I have been to Tunisia myself I understand everything you've been through!!